Baker says he's going to "fuck up" the Browns-and you know what, I believe him.
In literally any other universe, you would have zero reason to be interested in a week 1 game featuring Cleveland and Carolina. Baker Mayfield just gave us one.
And to be honest, can anyone really blame him?
Roughly halfway through Avengers: Infinity War, the Sorcerer Supreme Doctor Strange looks forward through time, aided by the Time stone, peering at over 14 million different alternate futures, searching for any clues and hints he could find that would help the heroes save the universe from sudden and at the moment irreversible devastation. Yet, while the surgeon turned wizard sorcerer was able to find a single thread of events that would see the heroes winning the day, albeit at great cost, I'm not sure there was even a single universe among the 14 million where a single soul gave a shit about a Week 1 match up between the Cleveland Browns and Carolina Panthers.
Except this one.
Maybe there's some other timeline where Deshaun Watson isn't a pathological sexual deviant and still has his job as the starting quarterback for the Houston Texans. I'm not going to recap the story, you know what happened (If you don't, ask the guy who shows up on your Zoom calls at work in a Chicago Bears t-shirt about it). In that same timeline, the Browns aren't sending the first franchise quarterback they've had in fifteen years to deliver a plus .500 win percentage packing to charlotte Charlotte after giving his job (and $230 million) to the aforementioned sexual deviant, and this season opening match-up has as much build-up, hype and excitement as a city council race in Wickford, Rhode Island.
But here we are one week away from what might actually be the best and truest revenge game ever televised. And I don't mean revenge in that boring "because we have to talk about it" sense of a player coming back to play against the team that unceremoniously traded him away for spare parts and whatever the hell Drew Lock is supposed to be. Nor is this the kind of revenge game where two teams who met in a playoff game the season before face each other again in a regular season game so meaningless, even if it were the last leg in a five-game parlay you still feel like you lost something for betting on it. No, this is more like that "Thor was done fucking around and immediately went for the head" kind of revenge.
If it didn't have those vibes before, it sure does now:
According to Buffalo Bills sideline reporter Cynthia Frelund, [Baker] Mayfield told her, “I’m gonna [expletive] them up” during a postgame conversation following the Panthers’ 21-0 victory last Friday at Bank of America Stadium.
Read more at: https://www.charlotteobserver.com/sports/nfl/carolina-panthers/article265064864.html#storylink=cpy
It's really simple, actually: the moment Baker Mayfield said he was going to "fuck" the Browns "up", the NFL should have immediately moved Cleveland vs. Carolina to Monday night. I don't know how such moves happen, and I actually don't really care how they happen, it has to happen. Denver vs. Seattle can be a Sunday night game if people are that desperate to see the WilsonSutton express leaving the station for the first time, but we're getting into "boring revenge game" territory.
All that said, there aren't really any meaningful stakes to this game for Baker on any meaningful football level. So far his career statistical peak was in 2020, coinciding with an overall peak in Cleveland's offensive efficiency in recent memory following the hiring of yet another Head Coach. So what does it really mean if Baker actually comes out here and put up 400 yards with DJ Moore and...(checks notes, flips through note cards)...a bunch of other dudes against his former team?
Probably nothing. Which kind of balances everything out.
In our alternate universe, Baker is still with the Browns, we're still sure if he's good or just better than average, and there is no narrative that could possibly make this game the must-see-TV that it's become. Maybe the box crew will ask themselves "Will Baker return to 2020 form?" and a pre-game sideline interview with Head Coach Kevin Stefanski about what it will take to get back and improve on 2020's 11-5 season. And, clearly by default, the press crew will have to make an obliatory nod to whoever stood out at training camp for the Panthers since this is also a universe where Sam Darnold is still the starter which means The Carolina Panthers have already been eliminated from playoff contention.
Goodell if you're somehow reading this, swap the Browns/Panthers with Broncos/Seahawks. I promise you a Monday night revenge game involving a jilted but motivated Baker Mayfield vs. The entire Cleveland Browns will produce better ratings than any game where Geno Smith is a starter. I promise.
Final Score: Cleveland: 0 - Everyone rooting against Cleveland: 21